Baby Shower

Oh, this will be so much fun!

Two of our old youth group kids are all grown up now and a couple of years ago they got married. Jennifer has just found out that she's pregnant! Exciting, right?! I kinda' feel like I'm going to be a grandma...in a weird, not really sort of way.

Anyway, Jennifer has just started feeling the dreaded morning sickness. Yuk!

So, to cheer her up. . .brighten her day. . .let her know she will live through this. . .

Leave a comment telling us what foods made you happy during your first trimester. And if you have any fool-proof ways to avoid morning sickness altogether, why don't you throw that advice in there, too.

Come on Mamas, I know you all have a story to tell.

Meet my friend Jerrod

Processing

To be honest, I'm kinda' tired of talking about this. It's draining and such a downer. I know if I'm tired of talking about it, you've got to be tired of reading about it. But here I am writing about it anyway. . .

When we agreed to help out on the youth retreat this past weekend, I felt very ambiguous about the decision. An "I can take it or leave it" kind of attitude. I pretty much told Honey to decide what he wanted to do and I would follow, support, and, most likely, have fun doing it. So, like so many times before, we left the girls with Mom & Dad, and Bubba, Honey, and I boarded a bus full of teens headed to the retreat site.

Just a side note here to say that Bubba thoroughly enjoyed himself. You know, he was the youth group baby for so long that lately he's been talking a lot about missing camps, and retreats, and such. His brain knows that it's not our job anymore, but his heart misses all the fun and attention he got from the teens.

As soon as we got to the church and began loading luggage, we saw one of our old teens. He had just finished 8th grade when we left and now he is well in to his 10th grade year. I love 10th graders. They've finally grown up and aren't as nerdy as they were in middle school. For me, it's my favorite age, and usually the time I form stronger bonds with the kids. In 10th grade, they can actually have a conversation with you and the glimpses into higher order thinking come more frequently.

Anyway, our old teen was attending this retreat with a friend from school and it was really great to see him and establish that he is, in fact, several inches taller than me. And to top it all off, we were assigned to work with the 10th grade group that weekend.

Saturday night, we were finishing up an activity, when I saw Old Teen. I sat down next to him hoping to catch up on his life when I became very aware that I had just interrupted something. He was talking to another teen and although I didn't hear anything Old Teen said, I heard the other teen's reply. "So if he left, why is he back here?"

In that moment, I froze. Emotions that I thought were worked through and in the past erupted to the surface. To this day, one of our greatest regrets about the timing of our resignation and the secrecy that surrounded it is the fact that we were in relationship with many teens and their parents. A trusting, give and take, friendship relationship. And, literally, one day we were promising that we were dedicated and committed to that group, and the next we had "resigned to pursue other opportunities". To my knowledge, no explaination was ever given to anyone, including us, about why we had resigned. At the very least, we felt everyone thought we were heartless and shady, not worthy to be trusted. It took many tears, prayers, and conversations for me to realize that where the teens are concerned, it's not about us. We weren't calling them to follow us, we were calling them to follow Jesus. They can do that whether we are there or not.

What still hurts is knowing that human nature doesn't allow one to just not know. Oftentimes, when we don't know the true information, we make up our own version of the truth. We make assumptions and harbor feelings that may or may not be right.

So, I froze as I sat down, because I wasn't sure I was ready to hear Old Teen's version of the truth. And I really didn't have it in me to honor our former elder's request to "just tell them to talk to us" if they ask you what happened. Even though, to this day, that is really the only true answer I have.

Before I could get back up, excuse myself, and allow them to finish their conversation in private, Old Teen awkwardly cleared his throat and asked the other guy, "So, what kind of truck did you say you drove?" And I felt invited to stay.

The next morning was our official Sunday morning worship time. Not just some songs before another session was to start while the cooks cleaned up from lunch and the pre-campers played outside. Worship. Praise, prayer, and sweet communion when everyone stopped the going home preparations and came together in that once in a lifetime, never have the exact group of people gathered in one place again time. To say that I was overwhelmed with emotion that morning would be an understatement. As I looked around that room and locked eyes with the unsure 6th grader on her first retreat, the taller than me 10th grade boys, the confident Seniors, the dedicated adults and parents, the precious pre-campers that want so much to be noticed by the big kids, emotion bottled up from somewhere deep inside consumed me. I miss this.

Is it tomorrow yet?

I know. Empty promises. I seem to be full of them lately. Tomorrow, I will exercise. Tomorrow, I will cook dinner. Tomorrow, I will update more.

Well instead of reading all of my empty promises, how about joining me right now in thanking our Father for taking care of Jerrod Shelton. You can read this for all the details, but here's the jist of it. . .NO CHEMO OR RADIATION WILL BE NEEDED!

Jerrod has had a very busy week. After we saw him, he got rid of the shunt needed to help with fluid build-up, moved out of CCU to a regular room, began physical and speech therapy, and is currently anticipating a move to the rehab center.

I told his parents today that I thought he looked great when we were there, but when I saw the pics on the website from the last few days, my heart said, "There's the Jerrod we know and love!"

So I don't forget

Yesterday was one of those days. I spent the entire day feeling lavishly blessed. I know that every day I am blessed, but I love it when I'm aware enough to feel it right when it's happening. And believe it or not, this is my 200th post! I love that I will be using it to celebrate my blessings from God!

Yesterday was the first day of preschool. The girls were preparing to start the young 4's class and I was preparing to teach the old 4's. It wasn't the first morning that I'd had to get myself and 3 kids ready and make 4 lunches, but IT WAS MY FIRST DAY TO TEACH THIS YEAR! and I wanted to keep the morning stress to a minimum. So, Monday evening, I made all the lunches sans the sandwiches (because I hate night-before-sandwiches) and Bubba noticed what I was doing. He was curious, and so as I was getting it all ready I explained it all and what item went with which person.

So yesterday morning, while I was prying the girls out of bed, Bubba got up, got dressed all the way down to his shoes, and went straight to the kitchen and put everyone's lunches together! All by himself, without being asked. All I had to do was make the sandwiches. While I was doing this, he disappeared into the pantry for a while. He finally emerged and asked where I kept all the flavor packets that I like to add to bottled water. He thought I'd like "a treat on my first day of school". I just about lost it right there! You know it doesn't take much to make me cry, (greeting card and credit card commercials, opening a new aisle at the grocery store) and so it took all I had to hold it together as I hugged him and thanked him for all of his help and thoughtfulness. I was on cloud 9 as I drove to preschool a few minutes later.

My first day went really smooth and I love my little class. The best part about Pre-K is that we usually don't have to deal with tears (except from the mommas). So I was enjoying the day until we got to chapel and I saw the girls with their class looking all grown up. When you spend 24/7 with the little angels, you just don't notice how big they're getting. During our restroom breaks, I could peak into their classroom and it hit me that I only have 2 more years with them at home! TWO more years! What will I do when there is complete silence in the backseat while I'm running errands. I will probably still ask the empty car if everyone is buckled up just out of habit. Will I be lonely? How will this first step of "letting go" feel?

I know, I KNOW! I'm usually the one that is the first to admit that I'll throw a party when all of my kids are in school. I'm not sure where this wave of nostalgia came from, but it lasted ALL DAY! When the girls came to my classroom after school, I couldn't get them to hug me long enough. It took almost 8 years to really feel it, but I love having my kids at home! Life will be so different when I'm all alone in the house from 8:00 to 3:00. And on top of all of that, my secret pal gave me a Starbucks gift card in honor of the first day of school. That alone is worthy of a good tear up.

So then we came home from getting the van looked at (I'm having problems with the driver's side window rolling up. It's really putting a damper on my drive through Sonic/Starbucks runs.) And being the prepared person that I am, I had supper all cooked in the crock-pot. Right before we sat down to eat, one of our former youth group members came by. She needed to drop off some paperwork for Honey as she needed a referral letter. We had a great time catching up on her life. Years ago, she started coming to youth group with a friend. She was truly a seeker. She was searching for meaning and hope in her life and I like to think she found a place in the youth group. We watched her grow into a sweet young Christian woman. She was so open to God and his direction in her life.

I worried that after graduation she would go off to the local state college and get lost in the shuffle. She doesn't come from a Chrisitan family and didn't have those fundamentals to fall back on. For a period of time, she did get lost in the shuffle, but the seeker in her never forgot what she learned in youth group. Eventually she found a college group that she loves. She has lots of friends there and is reaching out to her lost friends knowing that they are seeking the same thing she was. Now she has grown from seeker to a mentor. She is firm in her faith and is involved in sharing it with anyone who will listen. It was so encouraging and refreshing to see so much growth in her! And it all started with her best high school friend inviting her to youth group. What a blessing to be able to see a bit of God's fruit from our labors in youth ministry.

So, I'm still flying high from my day of blessings . . . to say the least. It makes the sink full of dishes I need to face in a few minutes look like a piece of cake! Have a great Wednesday!

Yeah, me too!

I realize that many of you reading this attend and love our former church. Really, in most ways, I love our former church. Many of you, we love and miss very much. We are thankful for the friendships that have lasted through this transition time, and we know that those friendships are stronger than the lines drawn because we attend a different congregation.

Like Larissa, I've tried to keep many of the details of our situation off the blog. I'm not interested in causing dissension. I'm not trying to rally my troops or ask people to join my side. Because I love the people that work for and attend our former church so much, I really don't want to share anything negative about it. I don't want my negative feelings to effect how you feel about your church home. I don't want my rantings to spread ugliness about our former church to strangers. I don't want my struggles to effect the witness this congregation could have on the community. Or worse, I don't want an unbeliever to stumble upon this post and think that all churches are bad. I just need to share my journey, my feelings, God's victory in my life. In fact, I really want you to try to forget where this happened and just listen to how God has worked in our lives since then. And truly, if that isn't possible for you, please don't read this post, or maybe the next several . . . I'm not sure how long this will take.

Last September Honey and I spent a few hours one night cleaning out his office at the church, and as we drove away with what was left of his entire youth ministry career packed in the back of the suburban, I felt . . . completely unable to put into words the feelings that were in my heart. Until recently. I read somewhere, someone said, "I love Jesus, but I hate church." I wish I could remember, because they aren't my words, just my feelings. I want to thank whoever wrote that for putting my thoughts on paper so I would know where to start in processing all of this.

When I read Larissa's post I realized that we'd been through a divorce, of sorts. The emotional numbness, betrayal, anger, hurt, grief, abandonment, all of that was there. We'd put our hearts and souls into the ministry, kids, families, and activities. The people of the congregation were our life. We didn't know anything else. Our own children didn't know anything else. And one day, without warning or explanation, it was gone. Our life changed in a matter of moments and there was nothing we could do about it.

Like Larissa mentioned, we were also dealing with a death. It was the death of our way of life. It was the death of what we thought "shepherds" were supposed to be. It was the death of the dreams we had for the youth group, and the dreams we had for the individual kids that we were blessed to spend as much time with as our own children, that we loved like our own children. Not only was Honey's job gone, but our purpose was gone. We lived to be youth ministers. We loved calling teens to be followers of Jesus. We were called by God to minister to teens and their families, and we embraced it fully.

During those first few weeks, we were completely lost. I remember taking many walks with Honey, hoping the crisp fall air would clear our minds and let God lead our next move. We didn't have a back-up plan. We never seriously thought about what Honey would do after youth ministry. We joked about it. Some crazy situation would come up with the ministry, and I would say, "Honey, after youth ministry you could lead "hide and seek" expeditions." Or after planning an entire week of summer camp, I'd say, "After youth ministry, you could design challenges for reality TV. You're great at this."

The only hope we found was knowing that we'd been praying for guidance as we juggled the lives of our own young children with the demands of a growing youth ministry, and that in some twisted, beautiful, supernatural way, this was an answered prayer.

Our friends and mentors were a source of great support and encouragement through those first few weeks. We felt loved and cherished by the members at the church and we thought that because we loved them so much we could get through the awkwardness of it all and continue to attend there. Our own kids loved it there, and since their little lives had already changed so much, we didn't have the heart to change that, too. Honey and I felt we could find a new place to fit in. Instead of starting completely over.

And I guess this is where our situation begins to differ with Larissa's. Aside from the fact that, you know, her betrayal came from her husband, not her job. I can't even begin to imagine how the pain is magnified coming from your spouse, knowing the pain we felt. But, eventually, we were able to escape the situation, distance ourselves from the awkwardness. When we decided to leave the congregation and find a new church home, our family could do it together. "We're in this together" never meant so much. We were able to visit new places and forge new relationships, together. Honey and I have been able to work together to walk our kids through this life change. We've been able to help each other work through the hurt. We've been able to lean on each other as our financial situation has been in flux.

Now, 10 months later, I can look back on the journey this far and say, I'm glad we're out of youth ministry. As much as we love and miss the kids and their families, we do not miss all the other stuff. We have loved every minute of the time Honey has been home this summer. I know that there are many husbands that travel for work, but 8 years of home a week, gone a week summer travel, and busy, 70 + hour work weeks during the school year was enough for us. Now that we see life from a slowed down pace, we love it. We've discovered that one of our God given purposes is ministry to our own kids. And we love the freedom to serve Christ boldy and as the Holy Spirit moves us, instead of the timidness that comes with wondering what the elders will think or how it will effect the way people view the church we work for or the ministry we're involved in. The only one we have to answer to is God. And although that's how we should have felt this whole time, we are really living it now.

Time to De-lurk

*May 22 - Edited to add Larissa to the "loyal commenters" list. She totally just had a baby 2 days ago and still found time to comment!*

Ok, bloggy friends. Here's the topic of discussion for today. Graduate School. Specifically, Honey going back to grad school.

My hard-working, man-of-his-word husband began a degree 5 years ago in Youth and Family Ministry. It was one of the stipulations of taking the youth ministry job at our former church. You see, his undergraduate degree is in business, and they wanted a youth minister with some sort of "Bible" degree. So, as he said he would, he began working on a "Bible" master's degree. Over the last five years, he has inherited and overseen a large youth ministry, raised a young son, brought twin daughters into the world, survived 2 very long winters of sickness when the girls were very literally sick every 2 weeks, spent more weeks of the summer traveling than being home, and been a caring, thoughtful husband, as well as kind, attentive father. And somehow managed to earn 27 hours of credit towards his degree.

Graduate school has never been a dream of his. He isn't that I-need-a-masters-degree-to-feel-successful kind of guy. His sole motivation in going back to school was to satisfy the requirements to keep his youth ministry job.

Well...he doesn't have that job anymore. Not only does he not have that specific job anymore, he doesn't really see himself in full time ministry any time soon, if ever again. So, the motivation is gone. A "Youth and Family Ministry" degree seems useless right now. He did finish his class last semester even though it seemed like a waste of time. But there is absolutely nothing exciting to him about enrolling for another semester. Or even making a plan to finish.

Y'all, he's 9 hours from being done! NINE HOURS, three classes. From a masters degree! I just can't stand that he is so close and just doesn't want to finish! I understand how he feels (I shudder at the thought of going back to any school that does not involve teaching pre-k twice a week.) and I know that it seems like a lame duck degree, but it's a masters degree. Honey, you are nine hours away from a masters degree! To me, it would be a shame to make all that hard, time consuming, sometimes inconsequential work seem useless by not finishing. You are so close!

So here is where the de-lurking is involved. I've decided to let you guys help me present this argument to Honey. I know there are people who read this blog that never comment. I'm good with lurkers. I am one myself. It's fun to lurk, no strings attached when you lurk. I am asking, just this once, that you de-lurk. Come out of annonymity and tell me what you think. Give us your advice. Do you think Honey should finish his degree? Whether you are a lurker or whether you are a loyal commenter (Laci and Binkley Family and Larissa) tell me your opinion about this whole graduate school thing. Just click on the word "comments" at the bottom of this post and type away. If you don't want to register with Blogger, submit it as Annonymous. I promise not to delete your comment if you're not on my side.

Happy 2007!

I can't believe it is 2007! We had a wonderful, quiet new year. God has already blessed us this year. . .for the first time in several years, Honey didn't have to worry about, plan, chaperone, or clean up after a teen New Years' Eve party! This was always one night I hated in youth ministry. Mainly because, for the good of our children, I chose not to participate in the New Years festivities. So I stayed home with the kids and put them to bed at a decent hour and rang in the new year alone. But, this year, we had Honey all to ourselves and loved every minute of it! We stayed in and worked puzzles, and played games and watched the ball drop in NY.




Yesterday, we got up, took the kids to our friend (who we think is a jewel for babysitting on New Year's Day. Only a grandma would do that!), and went to the Tech basketball game! It was a pretty packed arena as Bob Knight coached his way to win number 880! He won the title of the winningest coach in Div I history, and we were there to witness it! The game was great and the 2nd half was a nailbitter, but that didn't hamper the celebration when it was finally over and Tech had won. The tributes were touching and Coach Knight was gracious and unapologetic as he declared that he was satisfied that he'd done it his way. Whether you agree with all of his methods or not, you can't deny that he has had a successful career.

The end of an era

I guess that title seems a little dramatic, but nevertheless, it is the end of a chapter in our lives.

I'm sure it's been announced by now so. . .I guess I can talk about it.

Honey is no longer a youth minister. He was asked to resign last Thursday and his resignation was effective immediately. I think the "official" explanation is "Honey resigned to pursue other options."

As far as we are concerned, we are shocked and devastated. We were asked not to be present in worship or Bible class this morning when they announced it.

This is what I have to say to you: (you know who you are) We love you and will always be here for you. Call or come by any time.

Blonde Story #3

Well, you know we have an additional youth minister now. I think we'll call him The Calvary. Anyways, a group of Jrs decide a week or so ago to "initiate" The Calvary. Our favorite blonde is in charge of this little prank. As they are driving to his house, she gets confused about which house is his. Is it 6703 or 6803? She makes a call home and gets the right address from her mom.

After finding the house, they procede to fork the yard of the house they believe to be the Calvary's. In addition to forking the yard, they sidewalk chalk the driveway and walkway with references to our church and our youth group slogan which happens to be UGLY. This not being enough, they decide to bang on the door and ring the doorbell and then drive away.

They circle around and drive by one last time noticing that the front blinds are open. They recognize a mirror on the wall and are further satisfied that they got the right house.

The next night, we are having Bible study at our house. As our favorite blonde arrives, she is beaming with pride at the prank they pulled the night before. The Calvary begins telling a story about something weird he saw on his walk this morning. It seems that one of his neighbors, about a block down has been forked. Not only that, but it appears that it was by someone from the youth group as he recognized some of the slogans. Blonde is mortified and then unbelieving. He must be kidding. But we saw the mirror hanging on the wall. The Calvary's wife says we don't have a mirror hanging on our wall.

Then Blonde's phone rings. It is one of her buddies that was with her that night. Apparently she has forgotten that Bible study is at our house. She returned to the house that they forked. Only, today, she is not so sure that she is at the right house. There is an Asian man in the front yard watering. "How can there be an Asian man watering the Calvary's grass?" she wonders. Blonde shrieks, "We got the wrong house!"

The moment we have all been waiting for!

Well, he's here. Yes, new-youth-minister started this morning! And not a moment too soon!

We spent Monday night in the hospital with Brooke. She had a stomach bug over the weekend and got really dehydrated. Our favorite doctor admitted her Monday afternoon so she could get some much needed fluids with an IV. We brought her home yesterday afternoon, and this morning you wouldn't believe less than 24 hours ago she was in a hospital bed with an IV attached. She was so excited to see Mary TuTu and Bubba, and they have all been having fun together.

I deleted the ticker counting down the days until the Calvary arrived and decided to add one for another much anticipated day-- the arrival of Spring! Hopefully this will be the end of "sick season" and we can enjoy the warmer weather and outside activities.

Hope you are all well, too!

The calvary is coming!

In case you didn't know. . .our eldership has hired an additional youth minister! Yes, we are on our way to becoming a church with co-youth ministers! I will leave all the work to Honey and his friend to figure out exactly how this will work, and I will just spend my time celebrating. It is definitely going to be fun having partners in crime. . .and an added bonus, their daughter is our girls' age and they are expecting in July. Another baby to hold! (I love holding newborns. . .that aren't mine!)

Are you out there?

I am pretty new to this whole computer thing. We just got a new computer in August and decided to spring for the more expensive internet service (the next step up from dial-up). Since the connection is so much faster and since the computer can actually handle it (the laptop my parents gave me for college graduation was fabulous, but that was, gasp, almost 9 years ago!), I am learning how to harness the power of the internet and use it for my benefit.

Hence, the blog.

Blogging is cheaper than therapy. This account is actually free. And, it is probably as effective as therapy for a stay-at-home mom of 3 who can get a little crazy at times but really just needs her adult conversation fix every now and then.

Lately, I have been seeking other bloggers that are at similar life stages as myself. I've tried looking for youth minister's wives. There are a few, but most of them are younger than me and don't have children of their own. I have tried looking for moms of multiples. I haven't had any luck in this area. (Maybe moms of multiples don't have time to blog. . .)

I have been successful in finding some other Christian bloggers. Most of the ones that I read, I have actually met in real life, so I know that what they write is authentic, and I am usually inspired. I have also been successful in finding other SAH moms who have kinergarten children. I guess any time you hit a milestone like that it makes you more reflective.

But, I haven't been able to find exactly the blogger I am looking for. I know you are out there. I know, somewhere, there are other 30-something wives and mothers who devote much of their spare time to chasing their favorite youth minister around the country (and sometimes into Mexico). Who struggle with the balance of raising small children while being emersed in teen culture, only to realize that you aren't as cool as you were when you first began youth ministry. Whose 6 year olds say things like "the parentals" and "Yo! Yo! Yo! What's up my peeps!" and whose 2 year olds can correctly give the "biscuit and gravy" handshake. Who don't have glass ornaments on your Christmas tree, not because of your 2 year old twins, but because you are secretly afraid that the 15 year old best friends who invade your home every Monday night might actually knock the tree all the way over this year.

I know you exist. Where are you?

An Oldie, but a Goodie

Several months ago, our youth intern was teaching Bible class. He began by writing the word "lemming" on the board and asked if anyone knew what it was. After a short pause, HSB (yes, the same blonde from our story a few days ago) asked, "Is that even in English?"

True Blonde Story

Setting: Youth Center
Time: Sunday moring before class
Characters:
High School Blonde (HSB)
Junior High Blonde (younger cousin of HSB, just think mini-me) (JHB)

It is an average November Sunday morning. The weather is crisp and fresh. Even though it is early by teen standards, the youth are beginning to gather in the youth center. Our heorines are looking over some children's Bible class material that HSB will use to teach her preschool class next Sunday. Let's join our heroines. . .

HSB: "The Animals on Noah's Ark", that's some interesting reading. What else is in this folder? A butterfly? What are we supposed to do with this? Were there butterflies on the ark?

JHB: (using that "duh!" voice they all are so good at) No! Butterflies aren't animals.

Housekeeping

I wanted to share a funny story that illustrates just how far down-hill my housekeeping routines have gone. We have Bible study for the teens every Monday night. So, usually this is vacuuming day, and most weeks, all we have time to vaccuum is the living room. When Bubba was about 2 he noticed this pattern and so every time I got the vaccuum out he would ask, "Kids commin' ?" Most of the time he was right someone was comming over. . .that is how I make myself do housework, invite someone over. But occasionally I vaccuumed just to be clean.

Well, apparently, I have gotten better about vaccuuming, because this doesn't even phase the girls. In fact, most of the time, they sleep right through it. But last night, as we were finishing up dinner, we were planning on taking the girls straight from the dinner table to the bath because we had spaghetti, and so Honey asked Bubba to pick up the toys that had been left all over the living room, kitchen, and dinning room. Brooke heard the request to pick up toys and she asked, "Kids commin' ?"