My Non-resolution

So here's the dealio. I don't typically make New Year's resolutions. I find them binding and restricting. I feel guilty when I don't keep them, and obligated to only work on those things during the year.

And, truth be told, I'm not one for long term commitments. Yes, I'm married, and I love it, and I'm committed forever. But that takes just about all of the long term commitedness I have. It really is divine intervention that I've stuck with Weight Watchers for 8 months. And this blog? Over 3 years? It's just unheard of. At least for me. I'm a little ADD that way.

BUT, goals are good. They give you some direction, something to work for. Around the time the girls turned 3, I came out of that we-have-two-babies fog and realized that my life had been on auto pilot. I'd been in a sort of survival mode. Just do what you gotta' do to get through the day with everyone still alive was about as much of a goal as I had.

I realized that my life had no direction and lacked some structure. So, I started praying over and working towards a theme for the year. I asked God to show me something to cling to throughout the year that made me a better person, made my family stronger, and gave direction to my life.

One year it was simplify. And I do mean we simplified EVERYTHING in our lives that year. The schedule, the stuff, the committments, the focus, all of it was scaled back and reprioritized. Some of it was done for us, and some of it was our idea, but in the end, that year lived up to it's theme. We live a much simpler life because of the events of that year.

Last year the theme was settle in. After a year of transition and uncertainty, 2008 was a year to settle in to the new life God had given us. We settled in to our new home, we settled in to our new household income, we settled in to our school, we finished many projects that had been put on hold.

And now it's 2009. I have a feeling we'll still be doing some settling in. And with the looks of this office and the calendar that is already filling up for the Spring, we probably need to revisit the whole simplify thing as well.

But I believe that God has put on my heart to focus on being intentional in 2009. So much of the time I drift through the day and hope that somehow my kids will turn out to be wonderful adults. Or that my students will somehow learn the ABCs. Or that my husband will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love him. Some days, I focus on the urgent and miss the truly important. And some days I'm just so overwhelmed, I don't know where to start.

I pray that in 2009 I will become a more intentional person. I learned a few months ago that the good stuff takes work. It's not going to happen by accident. I'm not going to wake up one day and say, "Wow! I'm so surprised! That turned out so good! I wonder how that happened?" It's going to take work and prayer and committment. And when it turns out wonderful, I'm going to know how it happened, because I was there working every step of the way.

Intentional.