OK! Back up off my grill!

I know, don't nag, I admit, I'm supposed to be packing...(you didn't really believe me when I said that I wouldn't have much computer time did you?)

I had a conversation with my hairdryer this morning. (If that last statement threw you, read this.) Actually, the Holy Spirit talked, and I listened.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon alone. Honey was working, and the kids were spending quality time with Gran and Grampy "helping" them install shelves in my mom's closet. So, it was just me and the pile of boxes waiting to be filled with all of our worldly possessions.

While in the quiet house, I began to think...and worry...and question...and, eventually, pray. Last week marked 5 months since Honey left youth ministry. We have spent much time resting, playing with the kids, and enjoying life. We have recharged, re-evaluated, reprioritized, recommitted, and reconnected. Five months ago we were certain that God had a plan for us. We believed with all our hearts that the decision for us to leave our church was an answer to prayer. (not really the answer we were looking for, nor the way we would have chosen to handle it, nonetheless, an answer) Amid the feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment, we were optimistic and excited. We knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God would take care of our family, and we took comfort in waiting for the next open door to replace the closed one.

Praise God! He has been faithful to us! He meets our needs every day and usually provides a little left over. He knows what our family needs to meet our obligations and He provides, every. day. He's blessed our decision to sell our house by working out all the details to make this a smooth transition. By His mercy we feel His peace that passes understanding every day.

But, I gotta' tell ya', I'm starting to loose that optimism and excitement. It's been 5 months and no sign of that open door. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a girl, or a type-A personality, or the firstborn, or a control freak, or whatever you want to call it...human, maybe, but, I am feeling the need for some security. I need to know where the money is coming from this month, and next month, and the month after that. I want to plan, to save for vacation, or a new entertainment center, or to enroll the girls in some sort of activity that will give me some veg time for an hour a week and let them blow off some steam! I am really weary of being on "financial hold". I need a guarantee.

As I poured out my heart to Jesus yesterday, I have to admit, there were no great revelations, phone calls with an offer for "that perfect job", or anything else you might see at the end of a made for TV movie. But, I did have the strength to continue packing boxes, the patience to love on my kids when they returned home, and the blessing of a very tasty, fresh rotisserie chicken from our favoirte wholesale center to fill my stomach for supper...and peace, I was filled with yet another measure of supernatural peace that reassured me that the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases.

So, this morning, I was doin' my usual blog thang, and I stumbled on the blog of an aquaintence. Someone I don't know very well, but, we show up at the same gatherings ever so often. After spending 5 years with who she thought was the man of her dreams, and bearing 2 (going on 3) children, she is going through a divorce and all the pain and hurt that comes with becoming a single mom. (I bet she is in need of a little security, too!)

This friend was on my mind all morning, and while it began as prayer for her and her situation, it turned into a conversation with God on our (hers and mine) behalf. And I realized (while drying my hair) that people and things on this earth cannot give us any kind of guarantee, at least not ones that are real and true and can stand up to the attacks of Satan. There is no guarantee that you will always have your job, there is no guarantee that your husband will always be there, there is no guarantee that your loved ones will always be healthy. There is no guarantee. And if that's what I'm looking for, I won't find it.

But there is hope. There is a promise that will not be broken. There is One who is faithful, who keeps His promises, who is powerful enough to offer a guarantee. "For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Ps. 33:4

Ok, I'm going to pack. Right. Now.