Monday, February 26, 2007

OK! Back up off my grill!

I know, don't nag, I admit, I'm supposed to be packing...(you didn't really believe me when I said that I wouldn't have much computer time did you?)

I had a conversation with my hairdryer this morning. (If that last statement threw you, read this.) Actually, the Holy Spirit talked, and I listened.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon alone. Honey was working, and the kids were spending quality time with Gran and Grampy "helping" them install shelves in my mom's closet. So, it was just me and the pile of boxes waiting to be filled with all of our worldly possessions.

While in the quiet house, I began to think...and worry...and question...and, eventually, pray. Last week marked 5 months since Honey left youth ministry. We have spent much time resting, playing with the kids, and enjoying life. We have recharged, re-evaluated, reprioritized, recommitted, and reconnected. Five months ago we were certain that God had a plan for us. We believed with all our hearts that the decision for us to leave our church was an answer to prayer. (not really the answer we were looking for, nor the way we would have chosen to handle it, nonetheless, an answer) Amid the feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment, we were optimistic and excited. We knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God would take care of our family, and we took comfort in waiting for the next open door to replace the closed one.

Praise God! He has been faithful to us! He meets our needs every day and usually provides a little left over. He knows what our family needs to meet our obligations and He provides, every. day. He's blessed our decision to sell our house by working out all the details to make this a smooth transition. By His mercy we feel His peace that passes understanding every day.

But, I gotta' tell ya', I'm starting to loose that optimism and excitement. It's been 5 months and no sign of that open door. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a girl, or a type-A personality, or the firstborn, or a control freak, or whatever you want to call it...human, maybe, but, I am feeling the need for some security. I need to know where the money is coming from this month, and next month, and the month after that. I want to plan, to save for vacation, or a new entertainment center, or to enroll the girls in some sort of activity that will give me some veg time for an hour a week and let them blow off some steam! I am really weary of being on "financial hold". I need a guarantee.

As I poured out my heart to Jesus yesterday, I have to admit, there were no great revelations, phone calls with an offer for "that perfect job", or anything else you might see at the end of a made for TV movie. But, I did have the strength to continue packing boxes, the patience to love on my kids when they returned home, and the blessing of a very tasty, fresh rotisserie chicken from our favoirte wholesale center to fill my stomach for supper...and peace, I was filled with yet another measure of supernatural peace that reassured me that the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases.

So, this morning, I was doin' my usual blog thang, and I stumbled on the blog of an aquaintence. Someone I don't know very well, but, we show up at the same gatherings ever so often. After spending 5 years with who she thought was the man of her dreams, and bearing 2 (going on 3) children, she is going through a divorce and all the pain and hurt that comes with becoming a single mom. (I bet she is in need of a little security, too!)

This friend was on my mind all morning, and while it began as prayer for her and her situation, it turned into a conversation with God on our (hers and mine) behalf. And I realized (while drying my hair) that people and things on this earth cannot give us any kind of guarantee, at least not ones that are real and true and can stand up to the attacks of Satan. There is no guarantee that you will always have your job, there is no guarantee that your husband will always be there, there is no guarantee that your loved ones will always be healthy. There is no guarantee. And if that's what I'm looking for, I won't find it.

But there is hope. There is a promise that will not be broken. There is One who is faithful, who keeps His promises, who is powerful enough to offer a guarantee. "For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Ps. 33:4

Ok, I'm going to pack. Right. Now.


The Binkley Family said...

What amazing words. You spoke directly to me and probably many others in that blog. So many of us are dealing with that want of security and it truly is a false sense, isn't it?

Praying for you and your family!

Larissa said...

Wow, okay so you have me in tears for a second time today. No, I don't mind at all. In fact I say that if anyone can learn anything from situation then that is just another way God uses it to help someone.

You are so right, there is no guarantee. And I think that is the lesson that God wants us to learn. I made a mistake by being dependent on a person, and not my Lord. Not don't get me wrong, that doesn't excuse anything, but I do know now that the one and only guarantee I have is God and what he can provide me with. And I really will be okay with that, b/c that's the only true hope I have. But I totally identify with the planning and a need for security...oh believe me how I identify! But I am convinced that my house is just 4 walls and my car has 4 doors and those things can be replaced, but my faith in God can't!!! It's the only true thing in this life.

BTW...thanks for the prayers. I've thought a lot about you guys too. There is so much I don't understand about "waiting" on the Lord, but He will open a door for you. He always does...and He will for me too. Keep ahold of that!

The Pittman's said...

Thank you for the great thoughts!! It is so true. I get so caught up with making sure the bills are paid that I lose focus on the important things. good luck packing boxes. :)

A D said...

That was beautifully said and so true.
He is our hope, He is the one we must trust to meet all our needs.
And He will, His word says so over and over again and He doesn't lie.
Just as He cares and provides for even the tiniest insect, He cares for us so much more.
Praise God for all He does.

Sheri said...

Awsome! Thanks for the reminder! i don't know you (came across your blog from anothers) and I hate packing too- we are currently doing the same thing, but I wanted to say a big amen! Isn't it funny the times you hear from the Lord?

God Bless you guys!


SJ said...

Great post...and so true! Thanks for sharing your conversation and insights the Holy Spirit shared with you!! I'm glad God has given you peace that only he can give. Thanks for the reminders!

Have fun packing. You know if I was there we'd have to make a Sonic run...or Wal-Mart...or...something...or...everything! LOL! I could probably even talk you into rollerblading! ROFL! Even though I havent donned mine since college either!

jen said...

Well, SJ, if you talked me into going rollerblading we would have to make a Wal-mart run because I got rid of my rollerblades a looooong time ago. (and Sonic is on the way to Wal-mart...)

I do wish you were here. Packing is way more fun with a friend!

jen said...

You know, rollerblading is a way more healthy way to put off packing than SITTING in front of this computer. I bet M and Bubba could hold down the fort for an hour or so...

Laci said...

When are you gonna put all this into that book you're writing for me?! Haha. Thanks for sharing.
God is good.

sj said...

Definately! LOL! (btw...I'll take Sonic/Wal-Mart over bladding!)