Shhh, don't tell...

Life in west Texas, where we try to act like we are sophisticated, but we really aren't. When we closed on this house a couple of months ago, along with the stack of papers we signed, dated, and initialed, we received what the agent called a "list" of covenants for our neighborhood. The agent and I have two very different definitions of the word "list" because the name I call what we received is a "book", seeing how it is thicker than the stack of papers we signed, dated, and initialed.

Anyways, now that we are completely settled, organized, de-cluttered, clean, and landscaped...

ummm...

I find myself with time to lay back and peruse this 61 PAGE document called a list. AND I plan on hitting the highlights here, right now, for your entertainment.

1. All garage doors shall be equipped with an automatic and remote controlled door opener, and be closed at all times when not in use. (So what qualifies as being in use?...leaving it open so it can air out because you just can't find the source of the stench?)

2. Each owner shall use its best efforts to refrain from performing, permitting or allowing repair or maintenance work to any automobile or other vehicle outside the garage. (Our suburban is not running at the moment. It has been parked in front of our house since the transmission in it blew up a few weeks ago. We are trying our darndest to keep from working on it while it is parked outside, on the streed, in plain site of small children and the elderly, but since our garage is still packed to the ceiling with moving boxes, I'm pretty sure it won't get fixed any time soon!)

3. Under no circumstances or conditions shall any automobile or other vehicle be parked on a non-paved portion of any lot. (So no parking/abandoning cars on the grass/dirt/weeds?)

4. Any vehicle brought within the addition shall be in good working order, with current inspection and registration stickers in place, and shall be stored, placed or parked within the enclosed garage. (...um...see #2)

5. Each owner of any lot shall have the duty to keep, maintain, and landscape its lot. Including proper sodding, consistent watering and mowing of all lawns, pruning all trees and shrubbery, and keeping lawn and garden areas alive, free of weeds, and attractive. (By the way, keeping the sod stacked on the sidewalk doesn't count.)

6. My personal favorite, listed in Section 9.11. Offensive Activities: No noxious or offensive activity or pollution affecting sight/sound/smell shall be conducted or permitted on any portion of the addition. Including, but not limited to, garage sales, yard sales, patio sales, flea markets, and bazaars. (Because you know, nothing makes me more nauseous than a garage sale.)