Monday, November 05, 2007

Home

In case you haven't heard, the Sheltons, as in Jerrod, Jerry, Carla, and Carly, or "jcjc" for short, are driving home today! Leaving Plano and headed to their house. It will be a long drive and I'm not sure how often they will have to stop, but they will probably be on the road until after 8 o'clock tonight. Say a quick prayer for their safety on the road and that none of them will get too tired.

Jerry sent another e-mail this weekend that really touched me. Here is an excerpt:

The journey began on September 29 when Jerrod told us he was having some double vision. Suspecting the return of a lazy eye that he had when he was four years old, we made an appointment with our eye doctor. Following an appointment with Dr. Connie Crossnoe and an appointment with Dr. Cockings, we were scheduled for an MRI on October 3. Unaware of what the problem could be, we went to the MRI appointment expecting to find out that Jerrod needed glasses to correct some kind of a muscle problem. As we sat in the waiting room for the MRI in a rather cavalier way, we read magazines. But then I looked outside and these words came to me so clearly. "Jerry, will you always love me?" I was terrified. I began to tell myself, that's ridiculous, why would I have a thought like that. Again the question came, "Jerry, will you always love me?" Silently I began to talk to God - "Wait, we are only here to find out that Jerrod needs glasses, or that maybe he has sinus problems." "Jerry, I'm just asking you, will you always love me?" I began to silently go through an inner torment. I could not tell Carla or Jerrod, I could only keep telling God, that we didn't come here to find out anything that is bad news. But the question continued... but I was too afraid to answer the question. After the MRI we went home and I sat down at the computer to work. Within an hour we received a phone call from the Dr. telling us "Jerrod has a mass or a tumor in the middle of his brain, and it isn't good." My head dropped into my hands and my heart felt as if it would never beat again. As I started to hyperventilate I heard the question again... "Jerry, will you always love me?" Now I knew it was real. I knew I had to answer the question. As my chest heaved as I cried I told the Lord, "Yes, I will always love you. But please don't make me prove it in this way." I kept putting that qualifier on my answer... and the question continued... "Jerry, will you always love me?" Such a simple question. Why could I not answer it? Finally, without a qualifying statement at the end, in total resignation, in utter despair and no place else to turn, I had to quietly answer. "Yes, father, I will always love you." At that point, the question did not come back. Amazing isn't it? It was at that point I had to let go of everything that has the illusion of security and start walking down a road in which I had no control. The road had no forks and no map was needed. I just had to walk. I feel this road has just led me to a new beginning point for my life. It is as if I have come through a dark and terrifying forest and I now stand at the edge of that forest with relief and gratitude. Before me I look down a path that is lined with some familiar images yet I have no idea where this path really leads. But one thing is clear - where He leads me, I will follow. Together I walked into that forest with Him as He asked me from the first day, "Jerry, will you always love me?" As I heaved with sobs of horrific pain and fear I grabbed His hand, answered "Yes, Father, I will always love you." And into the forest we went. I know the path will lead me into other forests, beautiful meadows, some days will bring sunshine and some days will bring rain, but the path continues. Now as I look at that path I will always remember His question to me the day of the MRI - "Jerry, will you always love me?" My answer is the same - "Yes, father, I will always love you."

4 comments:

javamamma said...

Wow. What an amazing letter. I have not been through near the trials that this family has been, yet my learning curve has been 'yet I will praise Him'. Seems to be a theme here...

SJ said...

Wow! What a great relationship with God! So happy to hear they are coming home!!!! Thanks for the update!

Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

I found that email to be very inspirational also..... They must be a truly amazing family...

Misty said...

that is inspiring! It is so amazing to see God work... A family which has been such a Godly example of strength and trust is so rare!