In the trenches

I've been back and forth for a couple of weeks now trying to decide if I am going to post about a recent parenting milestone in our family. And I've decided to absolutely write and let the world wide web in on all the fun. Part of the reason I blog is to share my parenting journey, the good, the bad, and the humorous, and all the real stuff that happens down here in the trenches.

I don't think Bubba will hate me. Rather, I think he will, one day, thank me...one day, faaar into the future, when he has a precious, pure, innocent, curious 8 year old of his very own.

Driving in the van, after school, running a few errands:

"Mom, I have a question."

"OK"

"Why is Jaime Lynn Spears being punished for getting pregnant? It's not her fault she's pregnant. She can't control when God decides to put a baby in her tummy."

(pause)
(crickets chirping)
(Realization that my sweet boy still believes what we told him when he was 3 and I was prego with the twins - Sweetie, God put the babies in my tummy.)

"Well, yes, even though God makes the miracle happen when a baby gets inside a woman's tummy, she still had control over when it happened." (crosses fingers and hopes he drops it there)

"How can she control God? I thought God was always the one that makes the decisions."

"Well, yes, God is always the one in control, but Jaime Lynn Spears still had to make some choices and she made bad ones."

"What kind of bad choices?"

"Well, for a woman to get pregnant, her body has to do some special things with a man's body." (Quickly exits the car to unload Good Will donations while praying that he JUST DROPS IT ALREADY!

Back inside the car. "Mom? What kinds of special things?"

(pause) (gathering thoughts)
"Well, the kinds of things that only adults should do, and only when they are married. And Jaime Lynn Spears wasn't an adult or married. That's why she's getting punished. I tell you what, when Daddy gets home and we put the girls to bed, if you still want to talk more about it, we will, OK?"

"OK. Hey Mom?"

"Yes."

"How about some NBA trivia questions?"

"That sounds great."

And so that is how it came to pass that Honey and I sat down in the living room with Bubba and explained the birds and the bees. All of it. All. Of. It.

It was a bit ironic though because for several years Honey worked alongside a preacher with a young family. And their policy was always that within weeks of their children's 8 year old birthdays they carved out a special time and explained to them about the facts of life. Every. Last. Thing. At 8 years old. From our position waaay back in the baby years, we used to laugh and say things like "Well, Kid#3 turned 8 yesterday. I bet I can guess what Dad and Mom are doing this weekend! HA, HA, HA!"

Now that we're on the other side of our first "Birds and the Bees" talk, there are a few things I want the parents floating around out there in cyberspace to know.

First, we will most definitely be looking for opportunities to have the same conversation with the girls at an equally young age. My goal is between 7 and 9 years old. Our conversation with Bubba was not awkward or embarrassing, and I believe it is because we followed the lead of our son and told him when he was ready, when he was curious, when he was asking the questions. The alternative would have been to hide our heads in the sand and live in denial until he turned 16 and was getting ready for his first date. Stumbling through an awkward crash course at that age would have been mortifying for him and us.

Secondly, we went in to this conversation with the agreement that we would let his questions guide us. We would share openly, honestly, and matter-of-factly as long as he still had questions. I think we can all agree that it is better to know all of the truth than half of the truth with your imagination filling in the rest. And now we know that he has the right information. He knows the best way, the truth, the way God created it to be.

Lastly, now Bubba knows that he really can ask us anything. I want to continue to prove to him that we can be trusted, that we'll tell him the truth, and that he'll never be in trouble or made fun of for asking questions. I want him to always be able to come to one of us with his hopes, dreams, questions, doubts, and fears.

Now just to be clear, we didn't really go in to purity, and abstinence, and all the puberty stuff. We'll save that discussion for a few years. We just told him that it was a special gift that God gave to adults that were married to each other.

We also talked about the fact that none of this was appropriate for him and his friends to be discussing. That it wasn't showing respect for God, or girls, or himself to laugh, joke, or tell stories about any of it. If he ever thought of any other questions, he could come to us and we'd answer them the best we could.

And, just to be good citizens, we also shared with the parents of his very closest friends that he knew all about it. We trusted him to be respectful and not try to impress them by filling them in, but just in case...

So there you have it. Give birth - check. Nurse - check. Potty train - check. Immunizations - check. First day of school - check. First visit from the tooth fairy - check. Birds and the Bees - check.