Control Issues

I'm basically a control freak. There, I typed it out loud.

When Bubba was a baby I had a system. Everything "baby" had a place. When it was time to change diapers, we went to the changing table and the diapers, wipes, and ointment were exactly where I left them. Sippy cups were matched with their lids and stoppers right out of the dishwasher and had their own cabinet.

When the twins came along, I loosened up a little. But organization was the key to my sanity. Each baby had a color of bottle she used so we could keep track of which baby was eating what amount. Each baby had their own color of pacifier. Sippy cups were organized in a similar way. Everything had it's place, but I had a three year old Bubba that could "go get mommy a diaper and a wipe" whenever I asked, so I could stay parked on the living room floor folding laundry.

We were in youth ministry then, and we packed up all of our baby supplies and went somewhere pretty often. I remember how hard it was to do even the simple things like change diapers or fix bottles when we were on the road. And don't even get me started on the pack-n-plays. I'm pretty sure I earned an engineering degree learning how to work those.

It was because everything was out of place. It wasn't all gathered and ready to go. We were living out of duffel bags and sleeping bags and...pack-n-plays.

All of those memories came rushing back to me last week when we took Brooke and her T1D to camp. While we were at camp, we lived next door to a couple with a three year old and an 8 month old. That momma made it through the week like a champ, but I remembered.

I was so glad to get home and back to our little system. It works for us. And our meter is only steps away from where we eat dinner, not a brisk hike back up the mountain.

I felt in control again.

Accept, if I'm being honest, control and T1D don't really belong in the same sentence. I'm working on realizing that.

We have a drawer at the end of our kitchen counter that serves as our supply storage. It took about a month of the supplies sitting on the counter above the drawer for me to realize they weren't going away and I had to figure out where to put them.

The left side of this picture is the back of the drawer, and the right side is the front.

From left to right:

*the black cases are extra meters, one is her school meter on summer break

*in a divided rubbermaid dish we keep batteries, white out tape (because I'm anal about our log book), meter strips, alcohol pads, pen needles, and the solution to test our strips

*the large white bottle is our 90 day supply of thyroid pills

*the round rubbermaid bowl holds lancets

*the meter we use most of the time, under that our log book

*an ink pen, a sharpie (to write carb counts on snack bags)

*the insulin pens

*the pill box with her current weeks' pills

I keep the rest of our 90 days of supplies in the pantry and refill the drawer from there as needed. We keep the Ketostix in the bathroom. There is a basket in the pantry with Brooke friendly, pre-measured snacks.

Organizing, and scheduling, and setting alarms are my way of feeling in control.

But even after almost 6 months, sometimes we forget to check Brooke's sugar before we eat.

I have an alarm set on my phone so we don't forget to give Brooke her pill. (Honestly, you have to be some sort of monster to steal a phone from a busy mom. I've had my smart phone for 3 months, and pretty much our whole lives are on that phone. The whole family would be lost.)

Sometimes I forget to pack the pen needles when we're eating out. So we have to go back home and get a shot instead of moving on with our day like we'd planned.

One time we left the house to go out to eat in a rush and I left everything D-related at the house. For 10 minutes life was like it was before T1D. Then we sat down to eat and I realized we didn't bring a meter. Thank goodness I keep one in the glove box.

Sometimes we're running late because I remember at the last minute to pack a bag with the things Brooke may or may not need while we're gone.

Occasionally, we forget an injection. Once I sent Brooke to school without her breakfast shot. I called our CDE and we fixed it, but still, that wasn't a fun phone call to make.

I'm working really hard on letting go. I'm trying to remember to "keep calm and carry on". It's a journey, right?