Saturday, April 02, 2011

It doesn't go away

Diabetes isn't like strep.

It doesn't go away after 10 days of antibiotics.

It's not even like Weight Watchers.

You can't quit caring about what you eat for the weekend and start back on Monday.

I've spent the last month thinking, we'll get through this and things will get back to normal.

Denial? Probably.

All I know is, my brain is tired of thinking about it. I feel like if I have to look at one more nutrition label I'll scream. I never have been good at math, and now I have to add, subtract, multiply, and divide ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY.

I told my 4th graders, after a particularly stressful lunch, to pay attention in math class because some day your kid might end up with Diabetes. I almost made our lunch crisis into a word problem. I still might.

Brooke ate 22g of carbs at lunch. She was given 3 units of insulin. If her dosage requires 1/2 unit insulin for every 20g of carbs, how much more insulin did she receive than she should have? How many grams of carbs do you have to give her to balance out her lunch shot so she will avoid going extremely low 1 hour after lunch? **Cross curriculum - Health connection: Which foods and how much of each food would you feed her to compensate for the insulin overdosage? Remember, you need a combination of fast acting and slower digesting carbohydrates.**
I'm even tired of carrying the Vera. I want to go back to the no diaper bag days.

And right now, I can't stomach the American Diabetes Association website. All it does is use words like "chronic illness" and "disease" and "medical supplies" and "diabetes team". And to be honest, I don't want any part of any of that.

And if I think about the fact that it's not even me that's actually living with this, it's my precious Brooke...well, that just puts me over the edge. Because I know how I'm feeling about it, and I can't even begin to imagine how she's feeling about it...aside from all the Girl Scout cookies she gets to eat when we overdose her.


Kathy Lynn said...

Hang in there sweet lady. We Hurt for our kids and this is especially tough. You are all covered in prayer.

Shelly@Sweet Journey said...

A tortilla and half a glass of milk! haha It seems like that is what the diatician I talked with said. You are probably worrying for her, and she doesn't so much. Hang in there, Friend. You can do this! She is so blessed to have you to care for her and teach her how to care for herself.

Jen said...

Hi Jennie, Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am so sorry that we are meeting here because of your daughters diagnosis. The DOC (diabetes online community) has been a lifesaver for me to get me through some of my dark days with diabetes.

The first few months, heck, the first year is so hard. It is a HUGE adjustment to make. I want you to know though..even though it is never really easy, it does get MUCH easier with time. You will be strong and you will all be ok. There are so many of us parents online here to help and support you in any way we can.

I understand about math..math was NEVER my forte! Diabetes has made me sharpen up my math skills FOR SURE and I am pretty sure Addison is on the path to being quite the math whiz himself!

Big hugs to you...hang in there. I will be here following along your journey..

Scott said...

You're right - it doesn't go away.....16 years later I'm still wishing it would magically disappear. It does get the point where you don't have to think about it as much to calculate things - you get the point that you kind of just know how much insulin you need to take for certain kinds of food - since they all affect you differently....unfortunately - it's always a balancing act. But you do relax about it a bit - sometimes a bit too much....but it just becomes part of life - as unfun as this part is. Hang in there....

Jodi said...

Oops - I guess it left the post as Scott rather than me - oh well! Jodi

Wendy said...

Hello :)

Thank you for stopping by Candy Hearts. I know these early days can be filled with emotion that oscillate between shock and acceptance.

I'm happy to see you're getting connected. My blogroll is filled with T1 stories...

Welcome to the DOC (Diabetes Online Community). You will never be alone again.

Wendy said...

Sorry...I know I was just here, but realized something after the fact...

Here's a blog by a mother whose child was dx about 6 weeks ago as well.

You guys are at about the same point on this journey.

God Bless!

Keith R. said...

I am sure there is an app for the math, if I am not available :)
If not, we can write own and finance all the medical supplies.

Jules said...

hi, i just found your blog. i look forward to following along.

htimm=) said...

Hi, I just found your blog. In March 2010, my 6 year old was dx with T1D. It has been a crazy year. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, counting carbs and bolusing insulin along the way. I look forward to following your journey.